Friends make life worthwhile. They’re there to lift our spirits when we’re down, teach us lessons and just make life more enjoyable.
Friendship is fantastic, but it’s not always easy, and sometimes, you find yourself missing an old friend. Perhaps y’all grew apart, maybe something happened that split you up, or time just got in front of the friendship.
Whatever the reason, sometimes it’s not too late, and it’s not impossible to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to, especially if they were a good friend and you miss them.
Why you should reconnect with old friends
There are many reasons why you should reconnect with old friends, here are a few:
1. You have a history with that person
Old friends knew an older version of you. They remind you of where you’re from, who you used to be, and even how much you’ve grown as a person.
2. They “get” certain parts of you
Inside jokes that bring a hint of nostalgia? Old friends will give you that.
3. Catch up
Sometimes people change profoundly with time. It’s nice to know how/if that friend has changed and what road of life that person has traveled.
It is possible to rekindle friendships. I say this from experience. You have a past, and by reconnecting with someone you used to talk to, you can rekindle that friendship for the future.
How to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to
1. Know your “why.”
Before you reach out to someone wanting to reconnect, ask yourself WHY you want to reconnect with that person and why you lost touch, to begin with? Do you want to reconnect with them because you genuinely care and miss them?
Do you want to reconnect because you ended on bad terms, and you want to apologize? Do you want to reconnect because you moved away? Do you want to reconnect because you’re lonely and just want someone, anyone, around?
Sincerely ask yourself WHY you want to connect with a person before reaching out. Make sure you’re reaching out because you miss them or want to be back on good terms. Don’t reconnect with someone simply because you’re lonely.
2. Draft up what you will say
It’s best to be prepared whether you’re reaching out to them via a Facebook message, text message, or phone call. What will you say? What points do you want to get across? How will you contact them?
3. Keep it short, sweet, and honest
Be straightforward, and don’t ramble.
Here are some examples of what to say to reconnect with old friends:
- Hey, I saw something the other day that made me think of you…
- It’s been ages since we’ve talked, how have you been? Are you still [insert something like “living in XYZ city, working at XYZ, still in the XYZ field.”]
- I know we have not connected in a while, but I would love to catch up if you’re interested in getting together…
- I hope this message finds you in good health and spirits; I was thinking about you the other day…
- Hey, it’s been ages! Are you up for grabbing a drink and catching up?
- You have been on my mind lately, and I wanted to catch up and see how things have been for you?
- Hey [name], remember that time we went to the beach, and the birds chased us down because apparently, the sunscreen we grabbed was actually fruit spray?! OMG, Good times. How have you been?
- I know we haven’t talked in a while, and I know I’m to blame for that. I wanted to first apologize for…
How to text a friend after a long time examples:
While you absolutely want to greet the person first with a “hey” or “hello,” please do not just send a generic “hello” text first. It’s short, yes, but it’s unexceptional, and the person may not respond if your text only says “hello” or “hi.” Start with a greeting but then get to the point.
“Hey Keisha, I hope you are doing well. I know we have not talked in a while, but you crossed my mind today, and I wanted to know how’s life treating you? How are Tom and the kids doing?”
This is a much better way to text someone you have no talked to over just a “Hello!” that leaves the other person to carry the conversation.
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4. Be realistic
When reconnecting with someone you use to talk to, it’s vital to have realistic expectations. Don’t assume that once you reconnect, you will be back to being besties like old times.
Time has passed. People change. Your reunion may not go as perfectly as you plan.
Don’t expect. Reconnecting with an old friend doesn’t mean you will rekindle back to best friends or even friends like old times.
5. Apologize if need be (and don’t expect an apology)
Sometimes friendships ended because of wrong-doings. Address those serious issues, and sincerely apologize if you screwed up.
While you can’t control if someone forgives you, you can say sorry and hope for the best. Apologies can restore friendships.
Additionally, if a friend has hurt you in the past, don’t expect an apology from them or try to force them to apologize.
How to connect with someone you ghosted
If you ghosted that person, you absolutely need to apologize, but before reaching out to that person, I recommend doing some internal work.
Ask yourself, first, why did you ghost them? There’s rarely a good reason to ghost because you can leave that person hanging without rationale or guidelines as to why you cut off communication.
Were you dealing with anxiety or going through something personal? Were you no longer interested in that person being in your life? Did you replace them with someone else? Instead of dealing with confrontation and working through programs, do you just ghost?
Whatever the reason, first ask yourself why you ghosted them. I also recommend reading this article regarding why ghosting your friends hurts.
Text to send someone you ghosted:
- Hey Nina! I first wanted to apologize for ghosting you last year. That was mean, and you absolutely did not deserve that, so for that, I’m sorry.
- Hi Nick, my apologies for not getting back to you the last few weeks. I have been busy with personal matters and should have communicated that with you. I’m sorry.
- Dangggg, I go on a social hiatus for two weeks, and suddenly the world has changed! What did I miss?
- Sarah, I’m sorry for ghosting you. That was not kind, and you didn’t deserve that. Truthfully, I was dating someone new and was not mature enough to communicate that with you. I’m sorry.
One thing I will mention is that each example includes an apology. Apologize when you are wrong, and yes, ghosting someone is wrong.
Apologize when you are wrong
6. Make plans
Make plans to reconnect and catch up. This can be as simple as asking them if they would like to go out for drinks and provide a date/time to see if they’re free.
People who want to reconnect will put forth an effort. An old friend told me they would be in town and would love to catch up during drinks. I agreed, and we had a wonderful time.
7. See the good in goodbye
I have had many friends. Some lasted, and some did not. Some friends I’ve been able to reconnect with and others I have not. Some have wanted to reconnect, and I did not (I simply didn’t miss their presence).
There are seasons and reasons for friendships. Sometimes you have friends simply because of proximity and common similarities (i.e., such as college friends or work friends). Once that phase of your life is over, you fall out of touch because you no longer share that common similarity.
Be okay with that. Every person is not meant to travel throughout life with you. Be grateful and appreciative of the time you spent together and move forward.
If you reach out, and they don’t respond, or they decline, respect their wishes.
Sometimes you have to see the good in goodbye. Know that goodbye is a gift because it allows you to say hello to new experiences and people.
8. Just do it.
Life is short. If you miss someone, tell them. If you want to reconnect with someone, tell them.
Ignore all the stories in your head about people not caring, being too busy, or not wanting to reconnect with you before you even try.
The majority of people will be happy that you reached out to them and want to reconnect. Wouldn’t you?
If you have been thinking about reaching out to an old friend for a while but keep putting it off, it’s time just to do it.
A few years ago, a good friend and I grew apart. I wasn’t the best friend when she needed me to be, and I missed her dearly. I kept putting it off and figured she didn’t want to hear from me ever again, but finally, I reached out.
I sincerely apologized, told her I missed her, and asked if she could forgive me?
I would love to tell you that we became instant besties after that, but we didn’t. It took years to rebuild our friendship back up, but I’m so happy we reconnected.
I ended up being a bridesmaid at her wedding, and I’m now planning her baby shower for her firstborn. This is all because I simply reached out to an old friend and who I wanted to reconnect with and genuinely missed.
It’s may not be too late to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to… but first? You must try.
I asked some of my friends to give their advice when it comes to how to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to… here’s what they had to say:
Be open and honest with them and really get into what went wrong… like address the issues and go from there. Most friendships can be saved or rekindled by a simple conversation.
Say something along the lines of “you been on my mind lately” or “you came across my mind”. “How’s everything going, what’s been up?” And then turn that into hitting them up a little more consistently.
-My friend, William Thomas
Be mindful that life runs it’s course during your time a part so don’t expect to interact in the same way you did previously. Approach it as organically as possible starting with pleasantries and being genuinely interested in whatever their state of life is now.
– Jessica Gardner
Say what you feel and let it go from there. Do not force it. Allow things to organically happen.
Know that both people just have to feel like it’s worth saving. Never beg people to be in your life. Reach out to see if they’re open to it and if not then respect it. You may have hurt them beyond repair or maybe they don’t value the friendship in the same way you did (or the opposite they valued the friendship more than you did at that time).
Friendship can sometimes be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. If someone was a good person and an important part of your life, it’s okay to reach out to them and want to reconnect.
Some of my most powerful friendships have come from being open to reconnecting as well as being open to reaching out.
Do you have any advice when it comes to how to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to? Did you reach out to someone you stopped talking to? How was that experience? I would love to know below!
In my next post, I’m sharing how to make new female friends as a grown woman.
Stock images by ShotsByPriiincess
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